![]() The dreaded feeling of being left, feeling unwanted or feeling rejected can have debilitating impact on our relationships. In effect, their emotions are neither understood nor validated.0 shares How To Recognize Signs You Have Abandonment Issues ( & What To do About It) However, when this happens, they’re often branded as ungrateful, selfish, and troublemakers. Furthermore, it’s natural for the individual to want to know about their origins and even look for their biological family. Thus, it’s really common for conflicts, and emotional and behavioral problems to arise. There’s trauma and damage, and adaptation can be really difficult. The whole environment, and usually the adoptive parents as well, expect these children to be extremely grateful for having been adopted and to devote themselves to ‘reciprocating’ what they’ve received.Īdoption is complex. Environment invalidationįinally, one of the great wounds of adoption is the invalidation that these children and adults suffer throughout their lives. This not only increases the risk of suffering harassment or racism from others but also complicates the construction of their identity and sense of self. In these cases, the child lives immersed in a culture that’s not their own (which they may be completely unaware of) and is surrounded by people who look completely different. The difficulty is notably increased in the case of intercountry adoptions and, above all, transracial adoptions (when the child is of a different race or ethnic origin than the parents). However, it’s much more so for those who’ve been ‘dispossessed’ of their roots, are unaware of their origins and history, and find it difficult to identify with their adoptive family. This task is complex for any young person. This type of conflict is more common during adolescence, a period especially prone to the search for identity. Furthermore, it’s an injury that might be with them for life if it isn’t addressed. Obviously, this damages their self-esteem and generates a poor and negative self-concept. In effect, they’re like Plan B, the one that was used as a last resort. Thus, for that child, knowing this fact can make them feel like a second choice. This doesn’t happen in all cases but, as we said, adoption is often the alternative for parents who can’t have biological children. It can generate maladaptive behaviors and great discomfort. In addition, any small negative signal from their environment will trigger that primary wound and the fear of suffering abandonment again. They don’t trust themselves or others and can become overly compliant or, on the contrary, evasive and fearful. This is due to the separation from their mother and family of origin.įor this reason, the child grows up internalizing the idea that they’re not worthy of love. In the case of an adopted child, an insecure attachment is generated. The attachment bond, which is formed during the first months and years of life, is decisive for an infant’s confidence and emotional health. The wound of abandonment is the main negative consequence of adoption. In fact, far from this kind of idealization, adoption can open up several wounds. However, in reality, the process is much more complex. Therefore, we believe that they should be happy and grateful for their new life. When we think of an adopted child, we tend to consider that they’ve been lucky as they’ve been saved from a horrible situation by their new family. The adoption process involves the child facing some emotional challenges. Their adoptive parents must be prepared to accept this fact. Even a baby adopted at just a few months of life will face a series of emotional challenges. Whatever the reason, the unconscious feeling that lingers in the child’s psyche is the same: they’ve been abandoned.Īlthough it may seem that what happened at an early age isn’t remembered or doesn’t have a significant effect, in reality, it does. ![]() ![]() For instance, the death of their parents, the intervention of social services, or even their parents choosing to relinquish custody. The reasons for this can be extremely diverse. For this reason, today we want to talk to you about the wounds of adoption.įor an adoption to take place, a child has lost their original family. Their issues must be understood, respected, and addressed. In instances of adoption, the little ones also have emotional baggage. In fact, raising a child is never an easy task. However, when making this decision, they’re not always fully aware of the associated responsibility. Adoption is the alternative chosen by many fathers and mothers who can’t have biological children.
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